Coming Soon: The Haklifers
Coming Soon: The Haklifers
The Haklifer Family (touring Band, AGVTV sensations, and Real Family) are coming to the Foolish Uracle Network (FUN)
Perhaps you’ve scrolled through Agriculture Video’s new streaming platform AGVTV. It is the foremost streaming platform for farm animal talk shows, arguments about soil, ag-safety seminars, and anti-pesticide propaganda (you know the program I’m talking about: Fuck Monsanto Die, with Gina “Utopia” Gupta!). It was also the home of The Haklifer Family’s Program of Practical Concerns, known commonly as The Haklifers. A cash-poor family (ie: they still own a house and some land) of singers from rural Wisconsin, they initially gained notoriety (and wealth) for their farm-themed acapella and folksy (but bizarre) covers of Disney songs. Their A Whole New World sounds like a junkyard apocalypse, as if Aladdin and Jasmine flew their carpet through the veil separating this world from hell. Some have read the rendition as an ecological parable but I tend to hear it as a hymn to a new pantheon. As Mangus Haklifer would say, Anyhoo.
Anyhoo, due to contract negotiation fallout, the Haklifers’ program will no longer be on AGVTV, despite being AGVTV’s runaway hit, far bigger than their second most-viewed program, Cow Tippers, a wacky sitcom about bovine genocide and bovine revenge. Their loss is our gain, as goes the slogan of the human fascist cult of titular Cow Tippers, constantly finding novel and humorous ways to slaughter and eat cows (in the show, unlike in reality, the cows fight back, but give it time).
Anyhoo for two: The Haklifers are coming to the Foolish Uracle Network. Yahoo!
What does matriarch Scully Haklifer think about their move from Wisconsin to the Pacific Northwest?
Insert here: Meme with S.H. mugging her famous catchphrase: I guess I didn’t see that comin!
Stay tuned.
Yours,
Angel Haklifer, offspring of Scully and Mangus, and Eccentre’s new FUN President of Reality.